Shadows' Fear
by Scribbling Death
Summary: Keladry of Mindelan was dismissed at the end of her first year of a page. Others would have broken or given up. She didn't though...because of the people who believed in her and the people who helped her become who she was. HIATUS
1. Belief

**Edit: 1-05-08: Yes, edited again. For that, blame Tammy--yes, blame her. Now, I discover that the name of the Mindelan's not only have another daughter (which was Demadry, along with Adalia, Anders, Conal, Inness, Oranie, and Patricine), but they have a son younger then Kel whose name is Avinar. It's somewhere on Sheroes. Also, I found out that Patricine is married to a Yamani noble, and Demadry is already married. It changes my whole story line--but that's actually good, because now I actually got past my writers block. It also, however, means major editing. Oh, yes, now I discover Jon and Thayet have ANOTHER daughter--Varine. Why, oh why, did Thayet and Ilane have so many children? Why?****  
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**Summary: Keladry of Mindelan was dismissed at the end of her first year of a page. Others would have broken or given up. She didn't though...because of the people who believed in her-the people who helped her become who she was.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything belonging to Tamora Pierce.**

**Shadows' Fear**

**Part I**

Keladry of Mindelan was not a weak girl. Anyone could see that. She defied all rules and odds, and became the first female page in over a decade. Spidrens couldn't scare her, anymore than a brutal horse. But during the last supper before the pages would go home for the summer, Kel was afraid – deathly afraid.

The king had arrived earlier. He had entered, with his smiles and jokes, winning the loyalties of the pages and various squires who were in the mess hall. One girl, however, refused to laugh. She couldn't deny the fact that, the king was obviously quite handsome. Oh, yes, he was handsome. But it was because of him she had been subject to a year of probation. Because of him she might have to give up her dream.

A clear, cold voice intruded this one girl's thoughts. "I know you all wish to pack," the training master said from the lectern. "Get to it. Keladry of Mindelan, report to my office at the next bell."

"I'm sorry," whispered Merric. He got up awkwardly and fled the room.

"You saved my life," Seaver added, his voice cracking. He hugged her one-armed around the head as if she were one of the boys, and followed Merric out.

When none of her other friends moved, Kel forced herself to rise and pick up her tray. Suppressing tears, she whispered, "Have a good summer," before leaving to take her things to the servants one last time.

The sparrows were nowhere in sight when she entered the room. Returning from the carnage of spidrens, they had rejoined the flock-mates who stayed behind, cheerfully peeping and whirling about the courtyard to celebrate their return.

They flew to Kel, checking for food. "I'll miss you," she whispered. "All of you. You go to Daine. She'll take care of you." The small birds looked at her, and Kel fought a smile. So like little men they were, their heads peeping up inquisitively. But Peachblossom – who would take Peachblossom? Daine, perhaps. Or, maybe, a new page would choose the warhorse as a mount. But Kel doubted it. Peachblossom was too stubborn to accept another owner.

A knot started in her throat as she thought of the birds and Peachblossom. She fought the urge to cry. _He may take everything from me_, Kel thought, _but one thing Lord Wyldon will never make me do is cry_. Picking up her glaive, Kel swung it around half-heartedly. She had received a letter from her mother. The baron and baroness of Mindelan would not be traveling to the Islands this summer because of their daughter's social Adie and Orie's introduction to Court. Kel could either stay in town with her parents and sisters or return to Mindelan. Neither prospects looked pleasing. Grimacing, she realized there wasn't much of a future for the last of eight children, even if she was a noble...especially if she was a noble.

As the bell tolled—more like a funeral march, then anything—Kel walked through the hall. It could be her last time to stroll through it. But if it was to be her last walk, it would be with pride. Her back straightened as Lord Wyldon's office neared. The serving man bowed to Kel and opened the door, announcing her. She entered, finding the training master standing with his back to her, staring through a window.

Was he watching the people who strolled through the fragrant gardens at night? Or was he mulling over her – The Girl?

"My lord?" she asked respectively. "You sent for me."

Sighing, as if Kel had disturbed the little peace he had, Wyldon turned. "Sit down, girl.

Kel took her seat with no hesitation.

Absently massaging his right arm, the fierce training master looked at Kel. She stared back with no fear or reservation. Let him know she thought him unfair. Let him know how she wanted to hate him.

"Keladry," Kel looked up. Lord Wyldon had never truly called her by her name. "Listen to me. I speak to you as I would to my own daughters."

Kel almost blinked at him. She knew Wyldon had a family and children, but it was hard to imaging him with any other life then that of training future knights.

"You have made your point now, haven't you?" It was a question, but he obviously expected no answer. "Consider the future now. One day your body will change. Things you want in life as a maiden, a lady perhaps, will change. What if you are crippled by accident, in pursuing the course you have?" Kel thought he had looked at his arm as he said this. "What if you fall in love? Will you risk an army, a battle because your thoughts are on your heart and not combat? This year was the easiest."

'Maybe you think so,' she said silently. 'But it wasn't your year. You aren't the last child of a new barony. Do you think I'll have more luck in a convent? Do you think any man will offer for me, when my dowry is less than a common merchant's daughter?' She opened her mouth to say something.

A hand was raised. "Not now. Do not answer now. Think about it yourself at home." He sighed. "You are dismissed."

She had to hear him say it. "I am not allowed back, then." Kel winced as she heard her voice—it was like she was pleading, begging to remain.

"No, you may not. You must think of your future. There may be one day you regret becoming a knight. There is no doubt you have proved yourself to be as good as the lads. It would simply be better for you to be trained elsewhere."

"Very well, my lord." She bowed, trying not to cry. 'Not now, not here.' "Thank you for your time." Before he could say anything else, she spun, and walked out, shutting the door behind her.

Kel bit her lip. Why did she have to show weakness as her last emotion? Why couldn't she have been calm, or even angry? Angry at herself, Kel didn't notice her feet had led her straight to her room. Putting her key into the lock, the girl whispered her name. Salma was waiting with Kel's trunks, everything packed. The head of the servants' gestured toward the bed. "It's too late to leave today. You should go to sleep—I'll send a message to your family."

Thanking Salma quietly, she pressed a small gift into the woman's hand before handing over the key. Sighing, Kel fell on to the bed, mind swirling with thoughts. It was hours before she fell asleep.

Kel was woken the next day by a servant at false dawn. She walked to the castle gates, and found a Mindelan manservant waiting with a carriage. When they arrived, she saw Ilane waiting. Looking up the stairs, she let out seven years of pent up emotions.

Keladry of Mindelan fell into her mother's arms and cried.

* * *

**One month later**

The Yamani Emperor had accepted the Mindelan's request of allowing Kel to return to the Islands, and she would be leaving the next day.

It was after supper, and the four females staying at the townhouse were gathered together. "It will be better in the Yamani Islands," the baroness said. "And, if you want, you can return when you are fifteen to join the Riders." Kel's mother hesitated, before continuing. "You could always be introduced to court when you're sixteen or return to Mindelan."

Kel shook her head. She knew her mother was trying to give her choices—as a girl with hardly any talents as a lady, and not many connections, Kel would have a hard time without some kind of work. Now that her option of being a knight was gone, she would have to either remain in the palace as a lady or find a way to make a living. "I won't go to court, Mama, and I can't return to Mindelan. Anders and Inness already have their family there. Even with Patricine and Demadry married, Adie and Orie staying in court, and Avinar studying at the City of the Gods, the fief is still going to be full."

The older woman sighed. With three sons as knights, two daughters as court ladies, and a still-young Avinar, the youngest girl had been left alone when they returned to Tortall. When the baron had first accepted the ambassadorship and left for the Yamani Islands, with their four youngest along, Kel had barely even known Anders. "All I wish for is for you to be happy, Kel."

Adie and Orie were sitting nearby. Sighing, the older of the two spoke up. "You should to court and save what is left of your reputation. Use your four years to relearn old skills."

Kel looked over, startled. She had assumed her sisters would know better. She had not become a page because there was nothing else to do. Kel did it because she wanted to protect.

"I have always been tall," she pointed out. "That won't change. Because of all the training I went through this year, I have muscles now, too."

"Stop training. Nobody needs to be a knight. Queen Thayet started the Queen's Riders, after all, where ladies can go our and 'rough it,' as they say. Do it for Papa and Mama—even a dowry is less then a knight's tuition."

For a moment, Kel considered Orie's statement, before shaking her head. "I will never be a Tortallan lady, Orie. I can't just gossip and embroider, looking for a husband. At the best, I'll end up as an embarrassment. I would rather stay in the Yamani Islands. After all, Patricine is still there, married to Toshuro."

Ilane gently spoke up. "However, the House Akenaru is very large. Though I have no doubt Patricine would gladly welcome you, I fear they do not have the space. What will you do?"

"Mama, you accompanied Papa as the ambassador's lady, and helped the Imperials with Tortallan customs and treaties. If I don't end up being a lady advisor, I could always try to be the court linguist, or even a lady to a princess."

Adalia looked pained for a moment. "You are going to stay in the Yamani Islands? It's bad enough that Mama insisted on training you how to use the glaive again, but now you are going to _stay_ there and become one of those ladies? And while we're at Court, no less!"

Kel was about to bite out a sharp retort, thinking about how just a year ago, Adie had _been_ one of "those ladies", when a melodious voice interrupted. "The decision has been made, and you will leave tomorrow like we planned. Should you want return to Tortall at any time within the next three years, you may. However, if you stay, you shall, on your fifteenth birthday, tell your father and me how you wish to continue, and we will respect your choice." The last few words were directed toward the two others in the room.

Instead of protesting, like Kel thought they would, her sisters complied. "Of course we'll support Kel," Orie said. "She's our sister, after all."

"Plus," Adie added, looking wicked, "everyone knows Yamani silk surpasses even Tortall's finest. We'll be the envy of the court when we wear dresses made of such material." Kel shook her head slightly, leaving the room to check her chests. As the conversation slowly faded behind her, she smiled; her sisters would never change.

When Kel arrived in her room, she found the youngest of her brothers sitting on the bed, grinning mischievously.

"Avinar? Why are you in my room and what have you done?" In spite of her exasperated tone, Kel hugged her youngest brother fondly.

"I got back, but I saw Adie and Oranie in the sitting room, and decided to wait upstairs for my favorite older sister instead."

"You always say that when you see Patricine, Demadry, or me." Kel said in reply to his flattery. "You still haven't answered my earlier question, my dear _little_ brother."

The young man flapped his hands. "To the point, as usual, Kel." He blinked innocently. "Is it that horrible for me to want to talk to the sister I haven't seen for almost a year as I wither away among Mithran priests?"

Kel rolled her eyes. Avinar was her favorite brother and brilliant. The youngest child of Ilane and Piers of Mindelan, he was as mischievous as a Player—and his Gift had not helped matters. He had certainly caused enough ruckuses when they stayed with the Yaman. 'I still have no idea how he survived there,' Kel thought. "And just what have you been doing?"

"I heard you were going to the Yamani Islands, and I wanted to give you a gift," he said, as if it was an everyday occurrence.

"Gift, Avinar?" The gifts the young boy gave were rarely welcomed.

"It's perfectly nice this time," Kel's brother said. He held out a dagger, sheathed sensibly in sturdy leather.

Kel took the dagger out, looking at the sharp weapon carefully. "This is Raven Armory," Kel gasped. "How could you afford this? I can't take this from you, Avinar. I already have one, anyways."

Avinar grinned. "I knew you cared, Kel. I really did!" he said, placing a hand on his heart. "When Papa brought me to the Armory, I...assisted...some of the mages. It was so interesting, what they were trying to do! This dagger was used in the experiment, and couldn't be sold, so they allowed me to keep it. Adie and Orie won't want it, and it'll lie to waste otherwise." When Kel still seemed to be uncertain, he added, "You can do something to pay me back, then." He held up the bruise balm Kel had received. "May I have some of this?"

"You mean you accidentally lost control of your Gift in your curiosity, and this time it actually helped," Kel said, knowing she was right. "Why would you want that?"

"I noticed that it helped with bruises, and I thought it would be interesting to study."

"You tried a magical balm without—" Kel rubbed the bridge of her nose, giving up. Avinar had always been rash, after all. "You've gotten into some fights, recently, haven't you? How _did _you keep it from Mama? Yes, you may take some. Just return it to me before I leave," Kel replied as her brother walked out her room. It wasn't until he was at the staircase that Kel realized what he had done. "Wait—you went through my trunks?" she asked, exasperation showing when he replied only with a wave and laugh.

Sighing, the young girl returned to her room, intent on getting a good night's sleep for her last evening in Tortall.

It was dawn when Kel left the Mindelan townhouse and her family. Adie and Orie waited at the front door, yawning and trying to say ladylike farewells; finally giving up after their fifth yawn, the two hugged Kel and stumbled back to their rooms. Avinar had given her a quick kiss on the cheek at the doorstep, before winking and strolling towards the direction of the Lower City, trying to escape before Ilane realized her youngest child was entering the most dangerous part of Corus. Kel smiled and shook her head, before stepping towards the carriage.

Piers smiled and kissed Kel gently on the forehead, before opening the carriage door. Leaning down, Ilane hugged Kel, and bid her daughter farewell. The footman nudged the horses, and they lurched forwards.

Ilane watched Kel's figure in the window until the coach dwindled away to a speck in the distance. She whispered one final phrase before turning back to the doorway. Overhead, a hawk circled once and made its way to the royal palace.

"I believe in you, my daughter."


	2. Speak

**This is very important—read the first chapter. As I mentioned, I have re-edited this story. I have also re-edited the first chapter. Please read that first, and then this.**

**Summary: Keladry of Mindelan was dismissed at the end of her first year of a page. Others would have broken or given up. She didn't though...because of the people who believed in her--the people who helped her become who she was.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything belonging to Tamora Pierce.**

**Edit: 5-18-08: Yes, another edit. For those who do not know it--Patricine, Kel's sister mentioned in Page, is married to a Yamani noble (according to Tamora Pierce) with the name Toshuro noh Akaneru and has children. So that is actually cannon.**

**Edit: 8-15-08: Uh huh...last edit...I think. On the bright side, it makes everything flow much better. The names have been changed (Tasogare to Arigaya) and other events have too (not quite major, though).  
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* * *

**Shadows' Fear**

**Part II**

**Part II**

After more then a week of sailing on the ocean, Kel saw the busy dragon-shaped harbor that signified the main Yamani Island. Turning around, she nearly groaned when the ship's first mate walked up to her. "You'll want to step inside your cabin, my lady. We'll be arriving at Port Ryu soon, and you're probably anxious to freshen yourself up."

"I'm sure I will be fine up here," Kel said mildly, putting her politest smile on. When she turned away from him in a gesture of obvious dismissal, the man bowed before walking away. After making sure that nobody was near, the girl's smile dropped, and she sighed, wishing to get off the ship as soon as possible.

It wasn't that Kel disliked the ocean—she loved it. However, it was the ship's crew itself that made her wonder if she had been wrong in leaving so late; within the first few days, she started to wish she had taken the Yamani trading ship that had left Port Caynn three weeks earlier. The _Aerial's_ crew was used to Eastern ladies who disliked the sea and never left their cabin. When Kel had boarded, dressed in comfortable breeches and a simple cotton shirt, she had felt everyone staring. After choosing to stay on the deck in the morning and afternoon, the only three women on board had started to avoid her—noble or no noble. Kel was thankful for the distance, but it was disturbing to have everyone skirting around her for a week, especially since she was only eleven years old. In a moment of wicked thinking, she had even considered practicing with her glaive in the open, just to see the expression on the faces of the spectators. Only the thought of the long journey ahead had restrained her.

When the ship anchored in, Kel was one of the first to step down. She looked around, wondering who would be sent to escort her. Kel half-expected her sister to be there, before remembering that Patricine was on one of the smaller islands, watching over the annual summer festival in the main Akaneru lands. Scanning the area, Kel saw a young man standing with two horses. Once seeing her turn, he approached, bowing. "Lady Keladry, I extend my apologies for such a welcome. Due to the festivities at the capital, we had not been informed of your arrival until today. His Imperial Majesty welcomes you to our Island." Bowing once again, he held out the reins. "I am known as Haruki noh Arigaya."

"It is an honor to meet you, Lord Haruki," Kel murmured automatically. She glanced quizzically at the horse; she had expected a carriage with a few guards. Confused, she mounted up. "I thank His Imperial Majesty for his great generosity and kindness in sending such an admirable escort." Bowing in her saddle, she looked at the noble for a moment—he seemed so familiar—before turning the horse and nudging its sides with her feet, causing the brown mare to trot slowly after Haruki. Trusting the horse to not lose its way, her head turned as she observed the port.

Nothing had really changed in the past year. Geisha girls were still wandering in the streets, luring people into their respective establishments. A variety of other entertainers roamed the streets for prospective clients. Immersed in observation, Kel was surprised when she saw the gate that marked the end of Port Ryu and the beginning of the brief countryside that would lead them to the capital. Kel's gaze turned away from the bustling crowd behind her, and focused on the scenery ahead. The fields were gold and yellow and trees were empty of the blossoms that decorated them in the spring. Glancing past a nearby field, she glimpsed a pair of peasant girls wandering in a forest road, dressed in the usual summer yukatas. Kel stared at her own clothes, and looked at the man in front of her. As she prepared to address him, the girl nearly groaned. The formalities of the Yaman were strict, requiring proper titles for people of all station. What was more, each person of important status was to memorize the proper title for various families of peerage. With almost a hundred names and stations in the islands, and one year of no practice, Kel would be hard-pressed to remember how to initiate a conversation.

'Why didn't Mama go over this with me?' Kel asked herself as she thought of the right title. 'Arigaya sounds familiar; I know I have heard of it.' She bit her lip as she thought, before gasping softly. "Arigaya is one of the five, a dukedom famous for its silks about all else. The emperor has not sent a small escort—this is equal to an escort Papa would receive as ambassador.' Biting her lip, Kel hesitated in addressing Haruki, before finally speaking up. "Honored Lord Haruki."

The Yamani immediately turned, stopping his horse. "Is there something wrong, Lady?"

Kel paused as she thought of how to phrase the question. "I apologize, but I was curious as to the duration this journey will take." She clenched her fist, hoping the Yamani would see the meaning behind her question.

"I have been remiss of my duties. We will arrive before the sun sets. Lady Marchioness Amaya noh Arigaya has arranged for your arrival beforehand. You will meet her upon arriving at the palace."

"Thank you," Kel said. Haruki nodded in return, before facing forward once again. 'I need to work on my Yamani etiquette,' the young girl thought, smiling wryly, before exhaling slightly. 'And, apparently, my emotions,' she added as her face smoothed into the usual still expression. Falling into deep thought, Kel became oblivious to her surroundings. She thought about the Yamani Islands—the festivals, the danger, the difference. The place where she had lived more then half her life in was a home in ways that Tortall never had been. Yaman allowed women rights some Tortallans could only dream of, yet the country itself was steeped in tradition and formalities. The thought made Kel start. 'Our family was respected first because Papa was the ambassador from Tortall, and later because Mama saved the Imperial Swords. Now, Patricine is accepted because she married a Yamani noble. Being the sister-in-law of an Akenaru will not help me here, not with so many here that are able to tie themselves to great nobility. I must prove myself after being gone for a year, with only my mother's reputation to back me.' She didn't want to think about it, and instead immersed herself in reviewing Yamani etiquette.

"Lady Keladry, we are nearing the palace."

Kel started, finding that they had entered the outer imperial city. The streets, colorful and clamorous, were replete with merchants and artisans. Eagerly, Kel soaked in the site, saddened when they entered the inner city. It was much smaller and less noisy, occupied by ambassadors and foreign visitors. Ignoring the curious looks, Kel stopped next to her escort after approaching the palace gate. The guards immediately bowed and let the two in. 'That's odd,' though Kel, as the two rode further in. 'Usually, people must show the imperial pass to even be allowed to proceed to the check point.' Before she could think more of it, her escort stopped and dismounted. Hurriedly, Kel did the same, recalling that the courtyard was the last point at which horses were allowed.

"I apologize, but I must leave you at this point. Hana," a maid materialized, "will accompany you to the Lady Marchioness, who is waiting within the gates." Haruki bowed and walked away, disappearing within seconds.

The servant placed her palms on her thighs, bending down deeply. "If you please, Lady," she said. Kel left her horse, patting it gently, and walked past Hana. She saw the gateway, large and beautifully crafted, in front of her. As she neared it, with the maid walking closely behind, she saw the guards, so quiet and hidden within the shadows that she had not noticed them before, move forward to pull open the gate. A Yamani lady draped in layers of the finest silk stood up gracefully. Kel swept a bow, not rising until she saw the Yamani incline her head.

"Have I the honor of addressing the Honored Lady Marchioness Amaya noh Arigaya?"

"I am she, Keladry of Mindelan." The noblewoman's eyes were clear and sharp. She smiled politely. "It is my privilege to meet you. Your exploits have reached these isles; they promise to outshine even your redoubtable mother's.

Kel stiffened slightly, confused. Her exploits? "I thank you for you kind words, Lady Marchioness. It is an honor for you to say such about me."

"You have earned the praise, Keladry of Mindelan." Amaya replied before continuing, "On behalf of Exulted Emperor of Heavens, I extend my apology. Regrettably, the date of your arrival has coincided with our annual summer festival, and we found out too late to form a proper escort. Your rooms have been prepared; please, accompany me along the paths." Turning, the noble glided forward, her ladies following. Kel looked down, rising only when the marchioness passed her.

With no carriages or horses allowed within the palace grounds, the view of the gardens was unhindered. 'Of course, that is why being a common gardener in the Imperial Palace is equal to being a minor palace mage in Tortall. If the grounds aren't enjoyable, the emperor would be less than pleased.' At this thought, Kel shivered. She remembered how a gardener had once neglected to take care of his plot. His hands had been cut off, his eyes blinded, and his feet rendered useless. 'As Mama once said, good rulers are usually not good people.' Trying not to grimace, Kel almost bumped into the marchioness as she stopped walking.

Before them was a silver portal. "If you would."

Kel stared in awe. She had only seen it once before. It was when Ilane of Mindelan had saved the Yamani swords; once meeting them, the Imperial Empress Consort had immediately opened one to return the relics safely to their rightful place. Precious few had access to the ancient portals.

'I had not thought I would view, let along use, one of these portals once again in my life.' Kel thought as she stepped through. With a flash of light, Kel found herself in a room.

She glanced around, noticing that it was the same room she had used a year ago. Nothing had changed. Before Kel could wonder what she would do, the Lady Marchioness stepped out behind her.

"A maidservant is waiting to assist you. You will be escorted to the Imperial Receiving Hall at the next bell."

"Thank you greatly for your kindness," Kel said, bowing again.

"It was my pleasure." With a nod, Amaya noh Arigaya stepped into the portal, which glowed brightly before disappearing.

Stepping forward cautiously, Kel slid a screen to the side. In the dressing room, a maidservant stood, bowing before silently ushering Kel in.

A complete outfit was set out in the room. As she looked at it, Kel smiled wryly: she did not miss the fact that the colors corresponded perfectly to the kimino she had worn on her first visit to the Imperial Court. Once the kimono was on, Kel looked down at herself. Under the orange-gold of the outer kimono, embroidered with summer flowers, a spring green robe was just visible. A nagajuban of summer-yellow silk completed the garment.

Kel sighed, almost wistfully. True, she enjoyed the comfort of wearing only breeches and a shirt more than anything, but Yamani kimonos were elegant and beautiful beyond belief. A well made kimono was light and airy, even with over five layers, and was no more uncomfortable than a cotton dress for the summer. The kimono Kel wore was no exception. Sighing slightly, Kel dismissed the maid with a polite smile.

Kel shifted slightly as she waited, glancing around the room. It struck her that, although all her trunks and belongings were present, nothing was unpacked—a rare occurrence in the palace. Before she could continue the thought, Kel was interrupted by a light knock on the screen. Haruki stood outside, smiling politely as he bowed his head. "Lady Keladry, the Exulted Emperor of Heaven, Great Ruler of the Yaman, Kano noh Hikari has requested your presence. I will escort you to His Imperial Majesty."

Kel treaded forward, trying to imitate her mother's regal air, before slumping and striving to just hide her fear. Walking stiffly, she followed Haruki, fearing the worst. As the two walked on, Kel found herself becoming increasingly nervous. No, Kel was not merely afraid.

She was terrified.

Here she was, alone and not even twelve, about to face an emperor who killed men for not _bowing_ correctly. This time, she wasn't traveling with her father, or standing beside her mother. She was in the Yamani Islands on a favor and nothing else.

_"I believe in you."_

Kel relaxed as Ilane's voice echoed in her head. It was what her mother would say in any circumstances; the whisper gave her strength and the ex-page raised her chin. She swept forward and passed the footmen. The doors opened.

"Keladry of Mindelan, Daughter of the Savior of the Swords."

Taking a deep breath, Kel slowly moved forward. In the back of her mind, she noticed Haruki take a place on the right of the emperor, before quickly kneeling and touching her forehead to the marble floor. It seemed like centuries before the emperor spoke.

"Rise, Keladry of Mindelan."

Standing, the Tortallan girl remained silent as she gazed at the floor. The emperor's voiced echoed throughout the hall. "This is the Daughter of the Savior of Our Swords. Once a daughter of the Yaman, we welcome her back. Is there one here who speaks for her?"

Eye's widening slightly in shock, Kel worked to keep her emotions hidden. Sponsorships were not unheard of in the Islands: orphaned children of lesser Yamani nobility were often taken in by great Yamani nobility, similar as to how masters took apprentices. Due to frequent raids on the coast and bandits on land, sponsorship had once been frequent; as Yamani families became larger, it had become less so. It was not that which made the occurrence odd, however.

No, it was the fact that never, in the history of the Yaman, had the custom been extended to one without Yamani blood. Sponsored orphans often ended up with some of the highest positions in court; at times, they were even adopted. Foreigners, no matter their rank or circumstances, had never even been considered as possible candidates.

But Kel was—in front of the Imperial Court, she was announced as a possible candidate to sponsor. She watched for signs of surprise, but the well-trained Yamani nobles showed no expressions. Kel waited as complete silence descended in the room, tilting her head up to gaze at the emperor. Haruki caught her gaze. He didn't break it, looking at her steadily before giving her a half-smile and facing forward once again. Kel almost gaped before hurriedly looking down again, wondering how long it had been since the emperor had last spoken. She had almost given up all hope when a clear voice broke through.

A figure stepped forward, announcing, "I speak for Keladry of Mindelan, in the name of the Water, Earth, Sky, and Air."

* * *

**Scribble's Scribbles: So, I didn't exactly edit much except near the end--the beginning is more grammatical errors, deleting unnecessary parts, etc. The most notable part at the end is the sponsorship, which is much more realistic and imaginable then a random person speaking up for Kel and taking care of her. For those who find it hard to imagine--well, there are some explanations coming up about why the Yamani are suddenly so open. If there is any confusion, review, email, or PM me and I'll try to get back.**

**As for how the Arigaya family is "one of the five"...well, that'll come up later, too. Explaining it will rather spoil the story, I think. As for the ages of Haruki, and his relationship with Amaya (wife, sister, mother, cousin?), I don't know. My muse hasn't quite solidified those facts yet.**

**And yes, Kel is not an orphan (I don't plan on making her one either--that's not quite giving anything away, though). The Yamani just made a wee little exception, as you'll find out.  
**

**As a side note, Port Ryu is named that because it basically is a dragon-shaped port.**


	3. Fate

**SD: Yes—the first time I change this story for over a year, and it's replacing an old chapter. This chapter was extremely difficult for me to write, especially because my writing style has changed greatly over the past year. There's no action (sorry!) because I need to explain everything that has happened as a result of Kel leaving Tortall. Hopefully, with this chapter done, everything else can move more quickly. Hopefully.**

**There are spoilers for ****Trickster's**** and maybe ****Terrier**** in this story. They aren't major ones, though.**

**Summary: Keladry of Mindelan was dismissed at the end of her first year of a page. Others would have broken or given up. She didn't though...because of the people who believed in her and the people who helped her become who she was.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything belonging to Tamora Pierce.**

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****Shadows' Fear**

**Part III**

Kel slowly turned her head in the direction of the voice, almost gaping in shock. A figure stepped down from the emperor's dais and strode forward with deliberate steps, graceful and stately as she approached Kel. "I, Izanami noh Chikara, as the Head of House Hagiku, offer Keladry of Mindelan my favor."

Nodding slightly, the emperor slowly stood up. "Hagiku has spoken. Should there be any objection, let it be known now." Still and proud, the court stayed silent and the emperor turned to address Kel. "Keladry of Mindelan, you have been given this chance."

Taking a deep breath, Kel answered, "I accept." She spoke out clearly and strongly, gazing at the woman in front of her.

Izanami turned to face the court. "Keladry of Mindelan is now under my protection, and under the protection of the House Chikaru and House Hagiku. Know this and remember it." Murmurs of assent spread through the hall before all the voices faded into silence. The emperor gestured slightly.

"The court is dismissed." Each person in the room knelt and touched his or her forehead to the ground until Kano left the room. Slowly, the court filed out of the hall, Kel obediently following her sponsor. The Hagiku head led Kel through the palace before stopping in front of a door.

"These are the rooms for those of House Chikaru. I am remaining in the capital to oversee the start of the summer celebrations and will not return to my lands for a fortnight." Izanami slid open the screen door. "I apologize, but I must return to the festival. If you wish to attend the city festivities, the guards will accompany you. Please excuse me." Once Kel stepped into the room, Izanami bowed slightly and left.

Kel entered the room and took a deep breath as she looked around. It was a sitting room, meant to receive visitors. In it, at the low table the Yaman used, sat a still figure. Stepping back, Kel made to leave before the person raised her head, eyes dancing. She stood and bowed as Kel did the same.

Lips turning up slightly, before hurriedly smoothing her face, Kel asked, "Do I have the honor of addressing the Lady Yukimi noh Daiomoru?"

Eyes crinkling, Yukimi brought her fan to her face. "This past year has not brought so many changes, Keladry of Mindelan." She surveyed Kel. "Though, there seems to be more of you than there was a year ago." The Yamani girl looked at Kel impishly in the eyes, demonstrating their equal heights that disregarded Kel's younger age.

Face serious, Kel replied, "There must be something in the water of the Western countries."

"There must." Yukimi snapped her fan shut, bowing. "I apologize. You have been on a long journey and must want rest. I merely wanted to welcome you back. After you are rested, we shall talk."

Abruptly, Kel remembered that Yukimi's mother, also a Chikaru, was Izanami's cousin. It was no wonder she had heard of Kel's arrival. Hurriedly, Kel reassured the other girl that she was not tired, before a yawn broke out.

Yukimi gestured towards a nearby room, eyes dancing. "Rest, Keladry. We do not want you falling asleep on you feet; I doubt I could catch you. There is time enough to speak together."

Nodding sleepily, Kel retired to her room. For a Yamani, Yukimi was easygoing and would not take offense. Quickly sliding off her kimono, Kel was asleep before her head touched the pillow.

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By the time Kel awakened, the sun was just beginning to set. She opened her eyes blearily, looking around the room. Confused about the unfamiliar setting, Kel jumped up before remembering what had happened. After washing her face, Kel slid open the screen door. Yukimi, still kneeling at the table, looked up. "Did you enjoy your rest?"

"It helped," Kel admitted. She bowed to Yukimi before kneeling as well. "This is beautiful, Yuki," the Tortallan girl said, using her old nickname for the Yamani.

"Thank you." Yuki set down her brush. "So, Keladry, have you continued your studies of the _sumi-e_ ink paintings?" Her painting was of a summer landscape, to honor the summer festival.

Kel shook her head. "Unfortunately, there were no masters in Tortall. I was forced to discontinue my lessons. You have progressed far beyond me."

"But not far enough," Yuki replied wryly, lifting a sleeve that draped over the bottom of the painting. Ink blots and slight mistakes covered the rice paper. "I truly understand why it takes years of training to master this art form." She looked at Kel. "Would you like to continue your studies? There are but two of us currently learning from Lady Ume."

Kel demurred. "I could not. I had only learned the basics before leaving for Tortall. My presence would only interrupt your process." _Sumi-e_ was a delicate art-form requiring great skill and concentration, where each day of lessons counted, and Kel's one year absence had nearly erased the little she had learned.

Yuki laid an empty page of rice paper on the table. "I do not think you would. As it is, the review would be good for us. Please, do join us when lessons resume again."

Seeing no way of refusing without appearing rude, Kel agreed. She was about to continue when a gentle knock sounded at the door. Yuki voiced approval before the paper screen was slid open. A servant knelt outside, holding a bundle of cloth. Rising, Yuki walked towards the door. She looked at the bundle before nodding. "That will be all, Aya." Standing up and bowing, the maid set the kimono in Yuki's hands before sliding back the screen.

Turning, Yuki held the Yamani gown in her hands. "Let us explore the festival, shall we? I have a suspicion it will be quite interesting."

Kel glanced at Yuki, recognizing the unhidden mischief in the girl's eyes. She then looked down at herself, blushing as she realized she was clad only in her under-kimono, which resembled a knee-length, almost sheer, white dress. Nodding slightly, Kel was unsurprised when the other girl immediately began to drape the kimono on the young Tortallan. Belatedly, Kel realized that the Yuki had already changed from her afternoon kimono to a light one suitable for warm Yamani nights. Fumbling slightly, Kel managed to help tie her obi to finish the image. As soon as they were done, she bowed to Yuki. "Thank you for your generosity."

"It is the least I could do for an old friend," Yuki replied, still eyeing Kel critically. After adjusting the obi slightly, Yuki stepped back, satisfied. "Come, we should leave before we miss the festivities." She quickly stepped out the room as Kel followed.

It did not take long to arrive at the city. Kel almost smiled before smoothing out her face. The outer city was a carnival of lights, smells, and noises during the summer festival. There were performances at every corner and stalls lined the streets. As the two girls wandered, Kel savored the tastes and sights she had gone without for a year. She and Yuki walked around with sweets in their hands, stopping at a puppet show held for small children. After watching for a short while, the two continued on, stopping when they noticed a large crowd gathering at an open outdoor theater. Though the seats of the theater were full, people stood around the entire area, chattering noisily. Kel watched in confusion before Yuki whispered, "The outer city _Kabuki_ mix is due to perform here. This is the prime attraction tonight in the festival."

Kel's eyes widened. _Kabuki_ was a highly traditional Yamani theater, known even to lands outside the islands. The palace theater group was highly regarded as some of the most skilled artists of the Yaman. However, it was the theater mix of the capital's outer city that was infamous. Geishas, prostitutes, and other lower city performers dotted the Mix. As the worst kept secret in the capital, it was viewed as disgraceful by those in the Palace. Kel had never before seen a performance, and the Mix had never before performed in such a public area. "They do not fear any repercussions, then." Though Kel phrased the question as a statement, there was no doubt of what she was asking.

Yuki, her face neutral, replied, "The Mix has recently been blessed by a kind donor whose actions have allowed them to register as an entertainment in the outer city. They are now free to perform at any entertainment area." Yuki paused. "Tonight, they will perform the tragedy of the Four Great Beauties."

"It is a very difficult piece."

"Yes. Tonight will be the first night they shall perform. It is rumored the Beauty herself is in it. There is already a massive crowd, though the theater will not begin until it is dark."

Scanning the area, Kel nodded in agreement. The two stood in silence before walking away. Their trip back to the palace was quiet as Kel pondered the information Yuki had provided her with. It was not until they entered the inner city that Yuki spoke up.

"Tomorrow, we will welcome the summer season in the palace," Yuki commented. "This day has been very tiring for you, however."

Kel bowed to Yuki, grateful for the escape she provided. "Yes, I do not think I would do the season justice if I were to attend tomorrow. I am afraid the trip, and the time away, has made me forgetful of certain traditions."

"There were few that expected your arrival. I believe you can use these few days to reacquaint yourself with the capital." Yuki added quietly, "Not much has changed, but much has begun." With that, the Yamani girl once again fell into silence.

It was some time before they reached the palace, but Kel's head swam with thoughts. Yuki had been unusually cryptic, even while openly providing such interesting information. When they reached Kel's rooms, Yuki stopped and bowed. The corners of her lips tilted up.

"Welcome back, Keladry of Mindelan." She straightened. "May your stay here fulfill the questions you hold."

"Thank you." Kel stood, puzzled, until Yuki was out of sight. She entered her room and sat on the bed, looking around for the first time. Her Yamani porcelain lucky cats had been carefully taken out, but left on the table for Kel to place. Shelves housed all her weapons, books, and scrolls, while her old bow had been laid gently on its stand. Kel felt strange, though she did not see anything wrong with her surroundings. Looking around, the young girl saw nothing missing, yet the room itself felt empty. It was as if there was a hole inside of her

With a start, Kel realized she was homesick. She smiled grimly. Most of her life had been spent in the Yamani Islands, yet it was Tortall she missed. Or, rather, it was the presence of her palace friends, Peachblossom, and the sparrows that she wanted. Kel, without knowing it, had fallen in love with being a page.

A logical part of Kel's mind whispered that she had managed to live ten years not a page. But Kel had been awed by the concept of chivalry, the idea of helping anyone and everyone in need because a knight could, ever since she had first seen Anders leaving as a toddler. She had listened to her father's tales of what a knight was, how it meant a lifetime of service to the Crown and to the people of Tortall. For years, Kel had dreamed of being a page, a squire, and ultimately a knight. She had suffered a year of probation, hazing, and being "The Girl." And with one conversation, her dream had tumbled down.

Kel felt the stinging of tears prick her eyes. She blinked rapidly. Kel had not cried since Conal had dangled her from the tower, until the day she fell into her mother's arms after leaving the palace. "Being a page was not everything," she whispered harshly to herself. "My life has not ended because I am no longer a page."

It didn't help. Nothing would help the hurt, except time and mortal memory. Kel knew that she would have been miserable if she stayed in Tortall, living either at Mindelan with her sister-in-laws laughing behind her back or in Corus with the constant reminder of her failure. No, returning to the islands had been her best choice. Among the Yaman, Kel could hold her head high without shame and at least have a semblance of her dreams. She would not have the glory, perhaps, and the title of a knight in her name. In the Yamani Islands, though, Kel would be able to choose her own path.

Kel sighed, before yawning largely. Shrugging off her kimono, she crawled into bed and immediately fell asleep.

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An unraveling tapestry sat in an endless room. Kel searched the room, looking for danger. Before she could move, a woman appeared before the pastry. She turned, and her clouded eyes met Kel's.

"The threads of life have changed. One choice has changed countless others, and the threads of fate are coming apart as we speak. What should have happened has been erased, and events that should never have happened will. The road is blocked as Time waits for the world to right itself."

It slowly dawned on Kel where she was. In Tortall, the Great Gods were revered, but in the Yamani Islands children sung songs of Fate and Time, entities older than even Father Universe and Mother Flame. There were but two legends of Fate, appearing as a blind young women, interfering with mortal life. 'But my life cannot be that important,' Kel thought.

White eyes turned to Kel. "You are correct, Keladry of Mindelan. Perhaps your life alone would not have been important. One action, however, has tangled the strings that connect all life. Perhaps the Cunning One will now feel it necessary to become a warrior and the One Who Is Promised will falter and die. And as hope dies, so too will the Crows. Perhaps the School of Protection will never come to be because a young seamstress had no one to turn to. Perhaps there will be no Protector of the Small to defeat the Creatures and the Nothing Man will live and grow stronger."

Kel frowned slightly. Fate talked in riddles, but one word echoed in Kel's mind. She hesitated. "Perhaps?"

Fate smiled slightly. "Or perhaps the Cunning One possesses a strength and conviction that nothing can change. Perhaps another will take in a hurt maid and make her strong. And arrow may destroy a careless mage and other heroes will step up, as they do in the world." The creator of destinies turned to the cloth in front of her, the colors vibrant and sharp. Kel now noticed that while some threads were unraveling, others were weaving themselves and creating new life. Broken threads were linked to form a new picture.

"It lives," Kel whispered, amazed.

"Yes. The future is not determined by the choices of Gods, or even Time or Fate. It is created by those who live it. We cannot interfere with free will, as is right. Only Death is unchangeable, and even it can be fooled."

Kel felt the room around her grow fainter as Fate glowed brightly. Just before everything faded, the ethereal woman added, "Do not lose sight of yourself, Keladry of Mindelan, when you meet your destiny."

Before Kel could answer, her world darkened. When she woke up, she would remember nothing but a bright light and an unfinished tapestry.

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Fate sighed wearily. For many a millennia she had dwelled, never interfering. The threads of life had righted themselves before interference was needed, mended by the Gods and their vessels. Yet, the moment Keladry of Mindelan had stepped out of the Corus palace the tapestry had begun to unweave quickly, at a speed that Fate had only seen twice before. For the first time, someone without a God's blessing had torn apart pictures that should have been set in stone.

As Fate pondered this issue, the threads quivered softly, almost unnoticeably. Her hand stilled over the tapestry as she watched the picture that formed. Smoothing the cloth in front of her, Fate reached a slight bump that flattened before she could touch it. The more-than goddess laughed for the first time in centuries.

After all, no young heroine had ever failed before.

**SD: I don't know when I'll get the next chapter up. But I hope it's soon. I have a few quick notes about this chapter. It's important to understand that Yuki was being **_**very**_** open in what she was saying. What she said is also very important. Also, Kel will not receive any sudden powers or a God/Goddess's patronage. That's just not her. She won't even remember her conversation with Fate. I want to keep as close to Tamora Pierce's characterization of Kel as possible, so keep that in mind.**

**Other than that, I don't think there's anything to mention. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	4. The Dreaded Note

**Hey, all.**

**I'm putting this on (permanent) hiatus. I just...I've started multiple drafts, and it doesn't work. For one, I'm not that interested in Tamora Pierce anymore (I haven't even read the latest Beka story--and I loved her when I first read it). I typically read...well, quite honestly, only Naruto and Bleach now, if I read at all. Otherwise, I'm busy with the real world (oh, the horror). Tamora Pierce is one of the lower books on my reading list (I would read it, but I simply don't have the time). The likeliness of me finishing this story?....like...less than one percent. Seriously.**

**Also, I realized how this site has an awfully weird format now. Really? They split up Tamora Pierce into, "Immortals" "Song of the Lioness" "Tricksters Series" and "Beka Cooper Series"? Kel doesn't even get her own category (if she did, I couldn't find it)? And "Circle Opens" "Circle of Magic" and "Will of the Empress"? Okay, I get splitting up Tortall and Emelen/the Circle...but splitting them up WITHIN the categories? It's mind-boggling and annoying. It was great when they were all together, but now it's just mixed up. I couldn't even find it until I typed in everything imaginable. And that took a while.**

**So, with this, goodbye. I realize there's an awfully lot of you with me on author alert, story alert, or story favorite. I'm really honored by that. And I'm really sorry I couldn't continue this. I'll use the age old line--"It's not you, it's me." There's been many reviews (in general, also) asking me to update or continue. And...I'm going to have to say "No." If you happen to follow the Naruto or Bleach fandom, there's a slight (very, very, very slight) chance there will be a few one-shots, but the most likely thing is that I'll just leave entirely. I'm sorry for all those that actually wanted an update.  
**

**I'm posting as far as I got on the next chapter (besides the random outlines I drew out...there were quite a couple). If anyone wants, I could put up what I had in mind (the outlines and family tree, providing I can find it). Otherwise, this is the last post.  
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A week later Kel once again began to pack her belongings. Yuki, observing quietly, looked bemused. "I don't see why you will not allow a maid to help you."

Wryly, Kel answered, "The last few times I've allowed others to pack, my stays at my new 'homes' have always been temporary. Hopefully, if I change my routine, I will be able to abstain from packing for at least a year."

"If you speak of tomorrow, the rats in the ceiling will laugh," Yuki quoted.

"I do this in hopes that they won't laugh," Kel replied. "Or, at least, they wait in their laughter."

Yuki shook her head. "I somehow do not think that is the reply the proverb intends. As it is, I doubt you will stay for more than three months, with how active the Court is."

Kel shrugged, closing the lid of the chest as she finished her task. "I am still eleven, Yuki. It means that I will not appear at Court for at least another four years. Are you to remain here for training as a lady to a princess?"

Standing up, Yuki murmured her agreement. "It will be long before we meet once more, Keladry of Mindelan." The older girl bowed, her eyes smiling. "May Sakuyo's dice roll once more in your favor."

"Thank you. I wish you luck in your assignment, though I do not think you will need it." Kel slid open the screen door, gesturing for Yuki to precede her.

"I look at it this way: the experience will be useful no matter what. Either I will receive practice in dealing with my future mother-in-law or my mistress will be generous and wise."

Kel laughed. "Well, with that outlook you surely will not be disappointed whatever the outcome. I do expect to see you the elegant lady of a cultured and benevolent princess in four years time, Yuki. I would be able to boast of knowing the much sought-after Lady Yukimi."

Yuki nodded gravely. "I will be sure to meet your expectations, then," Yuki replied, her eyes twinkling. A bell tolled in the distance, signaling the end of the two girls' conversation. Yuki looked at Kel, bowing. "It is time for both of us to part, then. I will see you in four years time?"

"In four years time," Kel affirmed as she bowed as well.

"Goodbye, Kel." With Yuki's last words, the two girls parted ways.

Continuing down the corridor, Kel did not stop until she reached the courtyard outside. She had been waiting for only a brief moment before Izanami arrived. Kel bowed quickly before looking up to see Izanami drawing symbols in the air.

"We will take a gateway to the island that houses Hagiku lands. Once arriving, the rest of the journey will be by land. Do you hold any objections to this?"

Kel shook her head. "It would be my honor to do so, Lady Hagiku." With a nod, the lady gestured for Kel to enter the silver portal first. The young girl was briefly surrounded by lights before she felt solid ground under her feet. Even then, Kel felt as if her head was spinning, and by the time she regained her sight, Izanami was standing calmly by her side.

"The longer trip has a greater effect on most people," the woman stated. "I apologize for that, but there is no way of preventing or predicting it."

Kel nodded shakily, still slightly nauseous, as she looked around. They stood in a small clearing surrounded by trees. Before Kel could explore more of the area, she heard a soft snort and turned to see a light gray mare at her right. She lowered her head to nudge Kel's hand. "She's beautiful," Kel breathed as she offered her hand.

"Her name is Tsuki. She is yours, now." Izanami stood next to another mare, and gestured for Kel to mount up.

Kel could see the main complex of House Hagiku as soon as they cleared the forest. She was unsurprised to see that, while each person outside bowed briefly in respect as Izanami passed, there was no line up of bowing Yamanis. After all, Yamanis were expected to be efficient in their work.

As the two entered through the gates, Kel almost sighed in admiration. Yamani gardens were known for their beauty, and those in Hagiku's main complex were no exception. The five great families of the Yamani Islands owned over double the land of a normal Tortallan noble, and each family had investments in the most lucrative businesses and trades of the island. Most of the families lived in magnificent palaces, and House Hagiku's palace was one of the oldest and most stunning. "It's beautiful," Kel breathed out.

"Yes."

Kel flushed slightly when she realized she had voiced her thought aloud. She turned to see Izanami gazing not at the palace, as Kel had been, but at the land and people outside the walls surrounding House Hagiku. "Yes," Izanami repeated. "It is beautiful."

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**Signing out (sorry),**

**Scribbling Death**


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